Hello Every Body,

I've realized I can't avoid it any longer. I have to write a book. 

Researching and writing through brain fog is one of the most challenging things I've ever done, and I've written previous manuscripts so I know exactly how hard writing a book is in general. I'm looking up a giant hill knowing every step is going to be hard, trying to trudge my way to the top. If my strategic plan works out I think I'll finish some time in July.

To try and make this possible for myself, I've been Conducting Experiments with my workflow. I've spent a lot of time and effort following productivity advice from "early to bed early to rise" to "eat the frog" and it has always been painful. Whatever big work I managed to accomplish was done by yanking it out of me right before deadline and then collapsing in a heap when it was done. 

But this time I'm trying to even write a book in a Body Loyal way. What does my body need to write in a way that doesn't fill me with dread? What is a method of working that could be long term sustainable for me? How can I fit this work around the rhythms of my body? And of course, What is my body capable of?

I would really, dearly, love to be a writer that words just flowed out of, but I'm not. Not in my current condition anyway. Finding a sustainable workflow - a Body Loyal workflow - means working in a way that meets my body's needs without shame. So it's gonna take me longer to write this thing than I wish it would. Shrug. If I really believe that disability is not a failure - and I do - then I need to just accept that this is how my body works and things are gonna take the time they take. 

Often when I can let go of the shame and actually live in my reality enough to look around, I can find some "pros" nestled amongst all the "cons." If it was up to me I would have launched Body Loyalty last year with a podcast and youtube production and made a whole thing. But I couldn't make that happen and instead I spent a year on TikTok and the blog paying attention to how the message was landing and making changes in response. Changes that ended up making the teachings better. I'm not talking about bright sides and silver linings, I'm talking about mindfully examining what resources you have and how you can make them work for you. For better and for worse, I have time. So I'm gonna find ways to make it count.

This month I've been talking about systems and solidarity. The last three years has provided us the biggest example no one asked for when it comes to how much our health is affected by systems of power, and by the people around us. We are taught that it all comes down to individual responsibility so that Power can hold on to that power and make all the money. If we really care about our health we need to go to the source of the problem: that the systems of power that run our world do not treat us as human beings with human needs. We can change that by working together.

Every morning I make a TikTok based on what I'm thinking about for Body Loyalty. I've been treating it like my stand up open mic to figure out what people are responding to as I develop this philosophy. I'm sharing more of them on Instagram and YouTube now to spread those messages out to wherever the people are.

This month's most popular:

It's easy to hear all the positive body talk and agree with it in theory. Or agree with it for everybody else. All that is for the people who haven't had your life experience. If you have lived through trauma or you are living with a disability, and your experience of living in the body is painful or unsafe, it can be hard to see how those positive mindsets could ever apply to you. In some situations it can even feel like gaslighting. 

How do you acknowledge the truth of your experience without sitting in self hate and fear? If your body is the source of your suffering, how are you supposed to love it?

We'll tackle that in October!