Hello Every Body,
Since the start of the year it's been one sickness after another over here. I've been struggling with fatigue that makes it feel like I will never know energy again. It's hard to imagine things changing when your body hurts.
Psychologist George Loewenstein's calls this the "hot/cold empathy gap."
"I realized that when you're not in pain or cold or experiencing a powerful emotion like anger or fear, it's very difficult to imagine yourself in that situation," he says.
I first learned about it from an episode of the podcast
Hidden Brain and I swear it has come up in conversation once a week ever since. It explains so much about how we misunderstand each other, and misunderstand ourselves. We are subconsciously reacting to the sensations of our bodies as we think, so if our bodies are experiencing some strong sensation, that is going to impact the decisions we make, the benefit of the doubt we give, and our ability to plan for a different future.
When this happens in a courtroom they call it "Hungry Judge Effect" because research shows that
judges are harsher before they've had a meal break, and more lenient afterwards. Bodies are the boss, even when we pretend we are strictly rational.
Fatigue is a regular part of my experience having a body, so it's not alarming, I know what is causing it and how to manage it, but from inside of it, it can feel impossible that another day may come and bring more energy with it. It can feel impossible, but my health and quality of life rests on me finding faith in that possibility. It also rests on me being realistic about what is possible now.
It's important I keep pushing for more, but if I do it without acknowledging the reality of where I am, it's just begging for injury or burnout.
There will come a day when I have reached my peak of physical ability. I hope that day is far off in the future, but I'll never know. That's just part of the circle of life. We know how this story ends, and it only ends one way. So I could never get excited by the encouraging things we say to each other in those moments - It will get better! You'll be back to your old self soon! - when I knew that wasn't guaranteed.
What is helping me is accepting the reality. I have medical conditions to manage for the rest of my life that willpower or positive thinking can't erase, but can improve. Then, with the knowledge of that reality, I speak to myself with compassion. It's OK if this is my best today. All I have to give is what I have to give.
I try and extend that compassion to my cognitive biases too. Today it seems like fatigue is the only future I have, but that's most likely just hot/cold empathy gap thinking. What I know is true is that even if fatigue is forever, treating myself with harshness and condemnation will only rob me of the ability I do have.
