Hello friends,

I never celebrate Valentine's Day. My husband and I have been married forever and would rather give each other the gift of not having to shop for a present. Plus I'm super punk rock anti-establishment and no greeting card company is gonna tell me what to do, man.

The holiday I celebrate in February that's all about love and romance is a holiday I am borrowing from my son who doesn't want it. His birthday is at the beginning of February but, due to his autistic sensory needs, he wants absolutely zero mention of it. No calendar is going to threaten him with an out of tune public attention nightmare. He's a chip off the ol' punk rock.

So instead of celebrating the day he was born, I celebrate the day I survived. When he was born we came as close to tragedy as it's possible to come and live to tell the tale, but both our bodies bear consequences. On his birthday I spend the day pampering my body to thank her for getting me through everything that's led up to this point. My mouth is out here writing checks, but my body is the one that needs to cash them. She bears the consequences of every one of my tragedies, so on this day in particular, I thank her and I honor her for that.

This year I had a bucket list trip to Mexico to see the Indigo Girls and Brandi Carlile. I ate fresh fruit on a beach in the sun while the music that has gotten me through my life played in the background. It was heaven. But I clearly can't do that every year. In past year's I've taken myself out for the day to lunch and shops that only I wanted, or taken a long bath while eating ice cream. The plans scale based on what's going on in my life, but there is always a day in February where I do something for her.

The language of your body is your senses. Your senses are how your body interprets the world. So when you need to do something nice for your body, reward your senses.

As I type this I'm preparing to fly out to Chicago for the Association of Women in Psychology annual conference. I wrote up my first ever academic poster and I'll be presenting it there. I am always thinking about how I can prevent falling into the wellness influencer trap, and anchoring these ideas in a clinical space is how I'm going to try. This feels like a big step outside my comfort zone, but I am loyal to all our bodies, so I'm gonna find the resolve to do it.

In honor of Valentine's Day we spent February thinking about how to develop a more loving relationship with your body. You don't have to get to self love in order to start seeing benefits. Any loving kindness you show yourself will improve things for you, even if you do it with an eyeroll.

Ultimately, I think that the way we learn to love ourselves is the same way we learn to love anyone else. When we can trust someone to care for us, we love them. That's true for parents, chosen family, romantic partners, and it's true for yourself.

We also started talking about Sensory Diets, which is a concept that shows how incredible it is to have autistic people in your life. I never would have paid attention to my senses in the way I do without autistic people who showed me the harm of sensory overload, but also, the incredible ecstatic joy of a sensory stim. You can choose what you feed your senses, and by doing so, inject a bright spot into any dark day.

The founding principles of Body Loyalty are organized into categories I call Marrow, Mind, and Muscle. Marrow refers to the core concepts, Mind to beliefs, and Muscle to action. On TikTok this month I've created a playlist of videos for the "Muscles of Body Loyalty" to explain the actions that bring health benefits in your life. There is nothing more virtuous about an early bedtime than a mid-day nap. In both cases you'd get the rest your body needs. You can choose your own adventure so that healthy habits actually fit in your life and give you a fighting chance of success.

• Rest
• Breath
• Awareness
• Reflection
• Movement
• Nourishment
• Caregiving

A response I get to self care, a lot, is "that's fine for everyone else, but not me." Someone will be nodding along as I talk about every person having needs, and then stop when it's time to acknowledge their own.

One way to attack this sneaky belief is by learning how to turn yourself into a person. People pleasers in all our forms learn to diminish and ignore our needs in order to earn love from others. But you are also a person, and deserve to please yourself.

We'll talk about that in March, and I'll let you know how the conference goes!